Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
