Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
