Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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