youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
