One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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