Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
