i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
