you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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