I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize