I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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