I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Alive.
So much puke
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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