Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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