i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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