I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
