You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
