VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
