i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
