I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
