from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
