I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
