Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
