the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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