I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize