dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
