I'm jealous of your bromance
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
