I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
