So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
