im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
