What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
