Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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