Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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