Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm always down for nudity.
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