He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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