# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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