I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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