So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
