That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
