Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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