sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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