I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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