So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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