I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
