Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
