Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
