i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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