Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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