I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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