Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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