If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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