Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
