he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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