i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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