after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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