Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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