I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize