hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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