I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
