I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
