I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
