Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
