i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize