if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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