chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
