you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
