My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
They are going to name an STD after you.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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