hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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